Face My Fear And Do It Anyway

Mountain Top Woman

This post started in my head following an event I attended last week at the House of Commons to raise awareness of Perinatal Mental Health issues.  However, it transpired that before I could write the post, I needed to do a bit of soul searching. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, it was amazing to hear about all the research being done and to listen to people’s stories yet I left the event feeling frustrated at all the talk. I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me until I posted in my mentoring group this morning at 6.30 am.  I woke at 5am with a start.  I wasn’t sure why, but then I lay in bed flicking through social media for an hour and half procrastinating about whether to get up and write about last Friday’s event, or go back to sleep. I finally got up, more because I needed the toilet than anything else. And then it hit me.

Our Shadow

The frustration I felt was totally linked with my inability to decide to take action this morning. I’m reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s book “The Universe Has Got Your Back” and on the train home from London I was reading the chapter all about letting go of judgement.  Gabrielle talks about the concept of our shadow.  Now, this is not new to me; in fact I was teaching my counselling students about it only a short while ago. 

Our shadow is the part of us that we deny, the part that we don’t like. Indecision in others drives me insane and all the talk last Friday left me with this irritation at a lack of action, which is actually a little unfair to say the least. But upon reflection, this is what I have been doing. 

I love my job; working as a psychotherapist I meet the most amazing people, sometimes at the lowest points in their life. I support them through transformation and, mostly, they emerge as beautiful butterflies. I too am going through a period of transformation. I am stepping into myself and accepting myself as the woman I have become. 

However, transformation can be bloody scary!

This fear is what stops me from taking action. The fear that I might get it wrong, the fear that I might fail, or even worse that I might succeed and not be happy with the results. All this fear is stopping me from enjoying the moment.

I have had a pretty awesome few months. I have spoken on the BBC Asian Network, consulted to ITV drama, attended the Perinatal Mental Health event at the House of Commons, taken on an amazing team of therapists and peer support volunteers and worked with some wonderful clients.  Nevertheless, something is holding me back, and that something is the fear that it could all come tumbling down, that I could lose it all and that fear stops me enjoying the moment.

So what am I going to do about it?

Well I'm going to take my own advice. I know it's good advice because it comes from trusted people and because I have used it to help others too. I’m going to step into my fear, I’m going to embrace my fear, feel it and do it anyway. I’m going to take action, I’m going to make a difference not only to my community, but to myself. I’m going to make a commitment, I'm going to face my fear and do it anyway!   

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